Tuesday, August 30, 2005



At various times when we were young and our imaginations were less subverient to the seduction of the pixel, we fancied ourselves inventors, explorers and great heroes beneath the imprisoning rationale of our adult benefactors. Science was contained in the passion of a desire whose fulfillment could be achieved with the technology of foil, glue and scissors. Such was born the Transnumerometer: an ingenious device that would allow us to travel back in time. Afterall, imagine all the uses a kid might have for circumventing circumstance to mend broken toys, snatch the flyball, or catch that toppled lamp. The idea was very complicated, but resolved in theory with the help of Marvel, DC, Sid & Marty Kroft, Wells, and Verne. It was made manifest with a few common materials assembled in just the right manner, so that the cardboard furniture box clad in tin foil was entered through the hole on the west where one sat in the veritable darkness of transnumerometerization for the count; one 'missippi' being temporally equivalent to a terran hour (2,3,4 etc.). Of course, the trash can lid energy collector must be deployed toward the sun and no one could watch. One exited through the small hole to the west - because you know the Earth spins the other way - to emerge in the past to take care of business. Beware however. Being in a new and different time continuum sometimes meant that things were not the same as the original reality. if that were the case, one must return immediatly through the Transnumerometer to be antinumeromerated back to the original future. If this sounds complicated it is, of course. But, it surely worked, because Benji Applebaum down on Berkman Rd. was able to retrieve his dog before it was run over by a bus...again. It worked because we all agreed that it worked and because we believed it.

As I listened yesterday to Hugh Hewitt’s uncanny recorded interview by Los Angeles Times reporter, Tim Rutten, it immediately occurred to me that Tim was a man who had walked into a freeway with no idea that automobiles existed. He was a veritable boy encapsulated in an insulating bubble of preconceived notions, prefabricated prejudice, and presumed authority. He had stepped left to right from a world where Conservative commentators are fanatic ideologues and neocon hacks, Republicans are hair-brained imbeciles, and Blogs are references displayed like magazines in a dentist’s office but never read. What Mr. Rutten found outside of his tinfoil newsroom and progressive blue-hive Pinot circles, was an alternate continuum with a frighteningly inconceivable reality. And even as he attempted to race back through the hole for antinumerometerization, Mr. Hewitt informed him that his transnumeromerating devices had always been a metaphysical illusion.

Do read the entire interview as transcribed by Radio Blogger. Although much is lost in the translation from audio to transcript, I think you will get an immediate flavor for the juvenile fancy that has transnumeromerated Liberal culture and personifies the delusion of the LA Times.

Tim Ruttens associated column can be read here.

Jack Cafferty at CNN has traveled through his own Transnumerometer. It revealed him in retrospect to be a jackass, but he couldn't change it. Radioblogger has posted the audio here.

No comments: